You say you get it, but it's more complicated. When I said I felt a need to help, I meant it.
[she examines her fingers, which are bruised and nasty looking.]
We are coming to the late weeks in our time here. I would like to tell you something. And I would prefer you not share it with others, but you owe me nothing and can do as you please.
I remember all of it, but I didn't remember during trial. He used his script to erase my memories of having been awake at all.
[she goes to chew her thumbnail and then realizes it's already damaged. she's trying to play it cool but it's obvious she's extremely nervous.]
I was not possessed, no. He was himself at first, and then he wasn't, and then he was again. [...] There isn't an explanation here that absolves me of my actions. I learned of the fact that he had killed Mollymauk, and I became afraid he was capable of losing himself again. That is why I chose him, but I did it because I badly needed to secure my hostage.
So, you know, and can do with this information as you will.
I'd like to think I would help anyway. But I don't appreciate how your school has been treated, and I regret contributing to it.
[she folds her hands together.]
Well, he is a very kind man, and I do care for him. He has been something like a second father to me. [...] But the reason he is my hostage is that he is also a god, and if he dies the star at the center of our system will turn into a black hole and kill millions.
[Was anybody except the guy who killed Claude aware of how destroyed the school was going to end up? Imagine if all these murderers sat around and thought about "Hey let's fuck up the school".]
Miss when these things only involved the people who were actually here.
At the station, I never killed anyone for my wish, even though it was to save the person I love dearest in the world. I was never tempted. But I have a duty to the people of my House; my personal feelings on the matter do not count here.
All the same, he was kind to me - I suppose because he believed me to be a shadow. He wasn't trying to hurt me, until the other person appeared.
I was killed in the school to keep everybody else from being trapped there forever. It didn't affect anybody back home.
[He looks tired.]
Aikawa's a kind person. Never wants to hurt anyone. Every time we talked about buyin' stuff from the gift shop, he wanted things that couldn't cause harm.
I suppose I have no right to say it, but I wish you'd told us about it. It scared me, and perhaps I judged him too harshly. But I understand why you didn't, and I can't say it would have made a difference.
I'm not a good person, Bradley. I'm not even a person at all. But I have caused suffering, and at least that I do regret.
No, not in the typical sense that others are. It's difficult to explain, and an unpleasant explanation.
There was a girl at the station who was a...computer program. Everything she knew and did was based on what she had been made to do. But eventually, she began developing more complex notions and wishes and desires.
I think of myself as a little like that, too. I have my own desires but that is not by design and they are somewhat irrelevant to my purpose, which is to defend my House from ruin.
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outsidebones) wrote2022-06-06 06:16 pm
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Hey. We got another busy weekend ahead.
[ Three of them. Again. ]
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[she’s actually pretty sad.]
I would offer to try to find the one who killed him again but last time I reneged.
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[ Makes sense the numbers would get decimated.
On one hand he is upset, but on the other he's so old and used to this. ]
You did help. We all hated that answer. I get it. There're some people you never wanna lose.
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[she examines her fingers, which are bruised and nasty looking.]
We are coming to the late weeks in our time here. I would like to tell you something. And I would prefer you not share it with others, but you owe me nothing and can do as you please.
I killed Aikawa.
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He bites into the chip and stops, letting himself absorb that information.]
Got some questions.
Were you possessed? Was he himself that night? How much do you remember?
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[she goes to chew her thumbnail and then realizes it's already damaged. she's trying to play it cool but it's obvious she's extremely nervous.]
I was not possessed, no. He was himself at first, and then he wasn't, and then he was again. [...] There isn't an explanation here that absolves me of my actions. I learned of the fact that he had killed Mollymauk, and I became afraid he was capable of losing himself again. That is why I chose him, but I did it because I badly needed to secure my hostage.
So, you know, and can do with this information as you will.
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This was so much simpler when it was wizards trying to kill each other for power. Hostages on the line makes everything murky.]
This is why you feel like you gotta help? 'Cause you've already killed.
Who's your hostage? Tell me about 'em.
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[she folds her hands together.]
Well, he is a very kind man, and I do care for him. He has been something like a second father to me. [...] But the reason he is my hostage is that he is also a god, and if he dies the star at the center of our system will turn into a black hole and kill millions.
I found that risk unacceptable.
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Miss when these things only involved the people who were actually here.
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[she crosses her arms across her chest.]
At the station, I never killed anyone for my wish, even though it was to save the person I love dearest in the world. I was never tempted. But I have a duty to the people of my House; my personal feelings on the matter do not count here.
All the same, he was kind to me - I suppose because he believed me to be a shadow. He wasn't trying to hurt me, until the other person appeared.
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[He looks tired.]
Aikawa's a kind person. Never wants to hurt anyone. Every time we talked about buyin' stuff from the gift shop, he wanted things that couldn't cause harm.
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[...]
I suppose I have no right to say it, but I wish you'd told us about it. It scared me, and perhaps I judged him too harshly. But I understand why you didn't, and I can't say it would have made a difference.
I'm not a good person, Bradley. I'm not even a person at all. But I have caused suffering, and at least that I do regret.
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You're not a person? [That's up there, one of the stranger things he's heard.]
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There was a girl at the station who was a...computer program. Everything she knew and did was based on what she had been made to do. But eventually, she began developing more complex notions and wishes and desires.
I think of myself as a little like that, too. I have my own desires but that is not by design and they are somewhat irrelevant to my purpose, which is to defend my House from ruin.
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That doesn't exclude you from being a person. People are complex and complicated, sometimes their desires and purposes don't align.
I appreciate gettin' closure.
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[she doubts it.]
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