mollymauk catchall

[outsidebones]

Comments

[outsidebones]

Mikazuki was being very vague, but said someone confessed to him last week. It was a shadow who killed Zuko, then. [...] Well, he didn't say Zuko, but obviously it was Zuko.

So two shadows last week, possibly two this week.

[headmt]

Any idea who? I thought Kaeya and Diluc were obviously being weird, for reasons I couldn't really pinpoint. Don't know. Just suspicious, I guess.

[ pulling his mouth to the side. ]

Two, I think, right? There were two last week, if Mikazuki is right. So, that time we didn't catch someone, they multipied.

[ Frowning. ]

Good reason to catch people.

[outsidebones]

Mm. I think he was implying it was Kaeya but I can't be sure.

[she leans her head against him.]

Should I tell people it was me? Would that help anything?

[headmt]

[ a long pause, before-- ]

I don't know the answer to that one. [ He wants to have an answer to it, what he would do, or want someone to do. But. ] I really don't. I don't know that it would help, and I guess I'd worry that someone would try what they've just done to Kaeya. That they'll think it's okay to target you, because your hostage is safe, or ...

I think you know my opinion about the truth. It's nasty, and ugly, and wants things. Guilt, or vengeance, or what not. So I don't know. I suppose I'd say no, but I won't stop you either, if you wanted to tell people.

[outsidebones]

I don't know that I want to.

[but she appreciates that he gave her an honest answer instead of a protective one, and she sighs, a little more at ease.]

It isn't a matter of guilt. I'm used to interacting with people who don't know that I'm something worse than what they think I am. I've been two hundred dead children all my life, and one more doesn't change the balance so much.

It does seem a bit self-centered to withhold, on the other hand.

[headmt]

If we're going into checks and balances to try and even out some murderous scale here --

[ He doesn't quite finish the sentence. it feels a bit cold. but. you know. she probably gets the point. ]

I don't know. What would be the gain? What would people knowing do, to help?

[outsidebones]

[...]

Clarity. No recriminations, or fear of whom one can trust.

[headmt]

... It sounds as if you're asking me because you already want to, you know? If you were going to keep it a secret, you just would.

[ because she is very good at keeping secrets. ]

[outsidebones]

It's less that I want to. I don't want to, I think. But I feel maybe I ought to.

[headmt]

Maybe, maybe not. You have my opinion, which is that I don't really think I want you to do it.

Clarity is overrated. Trust isn't, but people trust you because you are worthy of trust. You're still working to help them as hard as you can, even if you did kill him.

But I don't want you to resent me for telling you not to.

[outsidebones]

[a small laugh.]

Why do you care whether I'll resent you. You should resent me.

[headmt]

[ immediately, and with some force: ]

I could never resent you. Not for anything.

[outsidebones]

That's stupid. Resent harder.

[headmt]

No, fuck off.

[outsidebones]

I know I don't have that much experience, but I believe you are allowed to resent people who you love when they mistreat you.

[headmt]

Ah, but I got that really good apology and everything about how I don't really deserve to feel angry, but I'm forcing you to say sorry anyway because I'm a monster.

[ is this said a little ........ resentfully? ]

[outsidebones]

I didn't say any of that.

[she frowns.]

I said sorry for what I was sorry for, which is that you were hurt by it. I'm not sorry for what I did, or that I excluded you from it.

[headmt]

[ also frowning now. ]

The more qualifiers you add to the statement, the less it actually counts.

[outsidebones]

It's better if the qualifiers aren't because I thought you were wrong to be angry, and only because I wasn't sorry.