So stupid. I suspected her from the start because of that corpse cavalier of hers, but it became evident enough she was actually dying, so I ruled her out.
[that's one mystery never solved before ending up here. or in canon at all, to this day.]
It became clear quickly that there were a lot of problems with that human's mind and memories. She was pretty unstable, and people only fed into her delusions out of a naive sense of being "considerate of her feelings".
But as to why she reacted to me the way she did, I never figured that out.
Hm. Well, there are always a few humans with the audacity to challenge the divine.
In the end, it doesn't matter much. As long as they can be reasoned with, people like that have their uses, as well—especially in times when power is needed for the greater good, no matter who it comes from.
My understanding is, the war that plagues our Empire - ships and soldiers and necromancers make a dent, but the real battle is fought by the Lyctors and God himself. Most of the Lyctors haven't been seen for centuries at least. A few still appear among the cohort soldiers now and again but the rest must be fighting battles in places humans cannot reach.
It is my wish to serve God in this way. Or is was, but now I wonder if the cost was too great.
Well, I applaud your piety, when many mortals prefer to remain where it's safe.
[...]
There have been countless souls who, at the end of their lives, cursed their weakness and lack of impact on the world, but I've seen just as many who achieved great heights in life but questioned if it was worth it, when all was said and done. Whether it be those who wished they'd valued their loved ones more, or those who grew disillusioned with their loss of humanity...
I'm not the God of Death, so it doesn't particularly matter to me if humans are content at their time of death. [he has no shame about admitting that. happy but weak humans are useless to him.] However, I won't deny that in most cases, should you pursue power—even, or especially in the name of selfless causes—then your path will be stained continuously with that emotion you're feeling right now.
But I suspect I lack the particular sort of courage some of the mortals you describe seem to have. To live without fear of doing irreparable harm, to live without concern for the costs of one's choices and actions.
I do think there is a sort of bravery in that, but I lack the capacity for it.
I would choose the path of practical value, whether for myself or for others. [a pause] Though the people who care about you would almost certainly be relieved that you lack the capacity, instead.
[because they're weak bitches! but harrow isn't a human of his universe, whom he needs to make use of in a crisis, so.]
Understandable. [a beat.] Well, ultimately only you can decide what your mind is capable of handling, especially with the potential of an eternal afterlife. In a realm where your mind lives on after death, then your regrets may never fade.
It's rare that a mortal can wholly achieve both in life: the satisfaction of power and prestige, or the fulfillment that comes with finding peace with themselves. So, it comes down to which loss you can endure with more grace.
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outsidebones) wrote2023-02-13 04:51 pm
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[so her mouth goes very thin at the memory.]
So stupid. I suspected her from the start because of that corpse cavalier of hers, but it became evident enough she was actually dying, so I ruled her out.
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[don't trust dying people (no)]
For what reason? Politics?
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We were there to learn the means to ascend, to become lyctors as well. She did not want any of us to succeed.
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What, she wanted to be the only one with power, or...?
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[that's not why but she's barely aware of even this much.]
I presume so.
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[rip to harrow.
and then the screen flickers over to something else...]
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[but she watches the memory, and frowns.]
...I don't understand. Did she lie to them?
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[that's one mystery never solved before ending up here. or in canon at all, to this day.]
It became clear quickly that there were a lot of problems with that human's mind and memories. She was pretty unstable, and people only fed into her delusions out of a naive sense of being "considerate of her feelings".
But as to why she reacted to me the way she did, I never figured that out.
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...I suppose it must not be unusual to you. Resenting mortals who aspire to more.
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In the end, it doesn't matter much. As long as they can be reasoned with, people like that have their uses, as well—especially in times when power is needed for the greater good, no matter who it comes from.
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[she chews her lip.]
My understanding is, the war that plagues our Empire - ships and soldiers and necromancers make a dent, but the real battle is fought by the Lyctors and God himself. Most of the Lyctors haven't been seen for centuries at least. A few still appear among the cohort soldiers now and again but the rest must be fighting battles in places humans cannot reach.
It is my wish to serve God in this way. Or is was, but now I wonder if the cost was too great.
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[...]
There have been countless souls who, at the end of their lives, cursed their weakness and lack of impact on the world, but I've seen just as many who achieved great heights in life but questioned if it was worth it, when all was said and done. Whether it be those who wished they'd valued their loved ones more, or those who grew disillusioned with their loss of humanity...
I'm not the God of Death, so it doesn't particularly matter to me if humans are content at their time of death. [he has no shame about admitting that. happy but weak humans are useless to him.] However, I won't deny that in most cases, should you pursue power—even, or especially in the name of selfless causes—then your path will be stained continuously with that emotion you're feeling right now.
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[she frowns, suddenly angry with herself.]
But I suspect I lack the particular sort of courage some of the mortals you describe seem to have. To live without fear of doing irreparable harm, to live without concern for the costs of one's choices and actions.
I do think there is a sort of bravery in that, but I lack the capacity for it.
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I would choose the path of practical value, whether for myself or for others. [a pause] Though the people who care about you would almost certainly be relieved that you lack the capacity, instead.
[because they're weak bitches! but harrow isn't a human of his universe, whom he needs to make use of in a crisis, so.]
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[what people........]
I do not tend to base my decisions on the opinions of others.
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It's rare that a mortal can wholly achieve both in life: the satisfaction of power and prestige, or the fulfillment that comes with finding peace with themselves. So, it comes down to which loss you can endure with more grace.
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[her regrets living on for all eternity certainly sounds. bad.]
It is only that I do not anticipate finding peace or fulfillment through any other means.
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I would be surprised if you did. Well-adjusted humans don't typically consider going down this path.