There is, and there isn't. I don't intend to stay. There were some things I had to do, still, but once my duty is complete, I intend to go to Mollymauk's world, along with Gideon.
[there's a decent amount of information he doesn't understand here, but... some of this pain, this grief, doesn't need any explanation. he looks towards her with clear concern when it fades away.]
I never really mourned for him, when he died. I was so very selfish. I saw him as a burden; a cavalier that didn't live up to my standards. I didn't wish for his death, but I intentionally planned on him leaving my House so I could replace him.
Even if you could have been nicer to him - it sounds like you didn't know what was going to happen to him, either. I don't think you should beat yourself up.
Do you really believe that? Or do you believe that when one is a ruler, when one is in a position of authority over someone, one has a higher responsibility not to behave with cruelty and abuse one's power?
[she says it very straightforwardly. not self-loathing, but a bit clipped.]
I behaved abominably, and I won't have that contradicted. I simply must change.
For what it's worth... You've been pretty kind to me, and I've seen you be kind to other people here. So, maybe you've already changed more than you realize.
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There is, and there isn't. I don't intend to stay. There were some things I had to do, still, but once my duty is complete, I intend to go to Mollymauk's world, along with Gideon.
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[although, the name doesn't ring a bell, so he asks after a moment:]
Who's Gideon?
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[also, have a memory.]
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...I'm sorry, Harrow.
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It doesn't have to be.
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I never really mourned for him, when he died. I was so very selfish. I saw him as a burden; a cavalier that didn't live up to my standards. I didn't wish for his death, but I intentionally planned on him leaving my House so I could replace him.
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[he pauses for a moment.]
Even if you could have been nicer to him - it sounds like you didn't know what was going to happen to him, either. I don't think you should beat yourself up.
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[she says it very straightforwardly. not self-loathing, but a bit clipped.]
I behaved abominably, and I won't have that contradicted. I simply must change.
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For what it's worth... You've been pretty kind to me, and I've seen you be kind to other people here. So, maybe you've already changed more than you realize.
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Maybe. I should like to think so.
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Well, if you ever want pointers, I've been told many times that I'm too nice. So.
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[no, it's fine. tease away.]
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Where do you put the line, exactly?
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Ah, yes. Asking a friend how she's doing. The height of irresponsibility.