I procrastinated for three weeks. But it started to become more dangerous, and avoiding acting on their behalf just because I personally find it distasteful was unacceptable to me.
[he pauses for a moment, taking that in, before he takes a breath.]
...I understand it. I don't agree with it, necessarily, but - I don't think it was selfish of you, if your motivation was trying to protect other people.
[...]
But - if that was your reasoning, why did you wait so long to say something?
...I'm not angry at you. And I care about you, you know. Like I said, I understand why you did it. It's just, I don't know if I can trust you, and that's hard.
[it's a little painful to hear, but not unexpected. she nods.]
I know. I don't expect you to trust me. [...] When we spoke, after he died, when I talked to you about it...at that time, I didn't remember what I'd done. If I had remembered, I would hardly have come clean, but I would have found a reason not to have that conversation with you. I suppose that means very little, but to me, I - would find it hard to accept someone comforting me knowing they were the source of my distress. And it troubled me after, when I realized it.
It might not be bad to be angry, Rupert. I don't ask you not to be.
...It does help, a little. I mean - it still hurts that you didn't tell me afterwards, but it would've been worse if you remembered and you made a choice to say all that anyways.
[he shakes his head.]
I don't really want to waste tonight being mad at you.
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So... You were scared that someone would hurt you and you'd lose them because you hadn't acted sooner?
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I procrastinated for three weeks. But it started to become more dangerous, and avoiding acting on their behalf just because I personally find it distasteful was unacceptable to me.
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...I understand it. I don't agree with it, necessarily, but - I don't think it was selfish of you, if your motivation was trying to protect other people.
[...]
But - if that was your reasoning, why did you wait so long to say something?
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[...]
But I'm glad you were safe.
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I know. I don't expect you to trust me. [...] When we spoke, after he died, when I talked to you about it...at that time, I didn't remember what I'd done. If I had remembered, I would hardly have come clean, but I would have found a reason not to have that conversation with you. I suppose that means very little, but to me, I - would find it hard to accept someone comforting me knowing they were the source of my distress. And it troubled me after, when I realized it.
It might not be bad to be angry, Rupert. I don't ask you not to be.
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[he shakes his head.]
I don't really want to waste tonight being mad at you.
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[it didn't go so well when it was shinobu.]
So, I won't.
[but she doesn't think rupert really wants to let this go, so she will do the polite thing and gently avoid.]
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[nodding.]
Besides, there are more important things to do tonight. Like ask you how you've been since we last saw each other! It's been a bit.