rin

[outsidebones]

Comments

Week 4, Friday

[aono]

[Rin can't train like he normally does when he's upset so he's going to spend most of the day keeping himself scarce. But they can come across each other in the void because Rin does eventually have to go get food like a normal person even if he looks like a mess. He's not crying right now, but his eyes are red and he's in a noticeably bad mood.

Still, he'll nod to Harrow when he sees her. He likes Harrow so he'll try to talk to her.]

[outsidebones]

Hello, Rin.

[she's limping, but she's out and about; her face is more bare than usual, with only very light paint, avoiding the red burn mark across her cheek.]

I'm sorry.

[aono]

['Sorry doesn't fix anything' he thinks immediately, but he pushes that thought away. That's not going to help anything, and he really needs to keep control of his impulsiveness right now. Times where he's emotional are the times when his demon side tries to sneakily take control. Just breathe, he reminds himself. Slow, steady breaths.]

Thanks. But it's not your fault, y'know? It's...not really anybody's fault.

[That's why it hurts so much. Kaeya is so important to Rin, and he can't even be mad at whoever killed him because they probably had no control over it.]

[outsidebones]

I don't know that we can say so definitively, but. You are kind to think so.

[she watches him, and then awkwardly places a hand on his shoulder.]

It didn't surprise me, that no one hurt any of you for so long. You all clearly care for one another.

[aono]

[Rin flinches a little, but it comes long after the touch to his shoulder. He breathes, and then he relaxes.]

And here I was hoping that making friends with everyone would help keep us all alive. But Kaeya's one of the friendliest of our group, so...

[So much for that idea.]

But...that's no good in the long run either, is it? It really shouldn't be about 'groups' in the first place, we're all in this together.

[outsidebones]

Perhaps it shouldn't be, but it is. All of you protected one another, the week Alphinaud died.

[aono]

...yeah, we did.

[And boy does he feel bad about that after the fact.]

Fuck, that was so shitty of us. We should've been more focused on finding the truth instead of worrying about getting framed. I'm sorry.

[outsidebones]

I didn't bring it up to make you feel badly about it. I would defend those close to me, too.

[aono]

Still, we...

[He trails off there, and he glances away.]

...I guess it doesn't matter much now. What's done is done, there's no changing it.

[outsidebones]

I should mention that I'm fairly certain that you were the culprit. Oh, it's a bit unfeeling to bring that up now, but I do so hate talking past one another.

[she really doesn't have any anger in her voice, though.]

If it's true, you don't have any reason to worry about me, and if it isn't, not much changes. The point is, someone was very bold to go after Kaeya.

[aono]

[He does look a bit surprised to be accused like that, and a part of him wants to be immediately defensive over it. The 'Rin' of six months ago, before he entered the last game he was in, probably would have. But instead he goes from looking surprised to almost a little sad, and then he glances away.]

...yeah, it's better to clear the air like that.

[Interestingly, for someone who is normally as honest as Rin is, he doesn't confirm or deny Harrow's accusation at this moment.]

Do you think Kaeya killed too? And that's why someone 'was bold' and killed him?

[outsidebones]

Yes. That's what I suspect.

[aono]

I guess that'd make sense, if that's what they thought.

[Rin still looks pretty heckin' depressed to be thinking about his friends like that though.]

[outsidebones]

Well. That doesn't rule out a shadow being involved.

[aono]

You're right, it doesn't. But...

['You possess a kindness that no other can replicate, and a perspective that is uniquely yours. You will not disappoint anyone, as long as your heart guides you.'

Maybe that's what he finally needs to do after all this time: instead of trying to be smart about everything, just let his heart guide him to the right answer. After all, his heart has strong feelings on all of this, so...]

...if someone was possessed by a shadow and killed Kaeya for it, this is what I'd want them to know: I'm mad, but not at them. I'm mad for them. They got put into a shitty situation with no easy way out, and they tried to make the best choice they could. And now they have to face down either getting caught and dying, or letting someone else die in their place. That's a horrible choice to have to make! And they can't even say a thing about it until after the trial, regardless of how they feel about it. It's...it's just not right. And I wanna yell at someone for them, since they can't yell for themselves right now.

So even if I'm sad right now because Kaeya is someone important to me and I miss him a lot, I'm not mad at whoever killed him. It's not their fault.

[outsidebones]

[she sort of blinks in the face of this.]

Why are you making a speech at me? I didn't kill him.

[aono]

There's a chance it could be you, and if it is you then it's not like you can admit to it right now. So if it does end up being you then I'd want you to know that. I don't want you to feel alone in this.

[A pause, and then:]

It's the same if you killed Rupert too. But if you didn't kill either of them that's good I guess.

[outsidebones]

I genuinely didn't. I'm glad you're in a forgiving mood, but save your breath. We have to find out who did.

[aono]

[He blinks.]

We breathe out every second regardless of if we talk or not. What's the point in 'saving it' if it's gonna leave us anyway?

[outsidebones]

It's an expression. It means, roughly, don't make passionate speeches at me now when it won't do any good, and your passion may be needed later.