The person who knew most about it - he told us it doesn't leave somewhere until everyone is gone. And it started following us again shortly after that, so I think... [there must be nobody left.] I'll go look for anyone who might be left after it's gone, but I don't want to lead it to any survivors.
...The reason I left the Ninth House was because I offered myself to service to the Emperor. It is complex, but the necromantic act that allowed me to serve him also means I will likely always draw revenants to me. So to return would mean being its undoing.
Correct. But that is something I've made my peace with. My service to the Emperor will do much more for my House's prospects than my presence would ever achieve.
[maybe not the exact nuances of the situation, but - he can understand the overall picture.]
I know you mentioned the space station and the people you knew there, but - I at least hope that where you are now, back in your home, there's a way to make new friends.
There is, and there isn't. I don't intend to stay. There were some things I had to do, still, but once my duty is complete, I intend to go to Mollymauk's world, along with Gideon.
[there's a decent amount of information he doesn't understand here, but... some of this pain, this grief, doesn't need any explanation. he looks towards her with clear concern when it fades away.]
I never really mourned for him, when he died. I was so very selfish. I saw him as a burden; a cavalier that didn't live up to my standards. I didn't wish for his death, but I intentionally planned on him leaving my House so I could replace him.
Even if you could have been nicer to him - it sounds like you didn't know what was going to happen to him, either. I don't think you should beat yourself up.
Do you really believe that? Or do you believe that when one is a ruler, when one is in a position of authority over someone, one has a higher responsibility not to behave with cruelty and abuse one's power?
[she says it very straightforwardly. not self-loathing, but a bit clipped.]
I behaved abominably, and I won't have that contradicted. I simply must change.
For what it's worth... You've been pretty kind to me, and I've seen you be kind to other people here. So, maybe you've already changed more than you realize.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[she also looks wrecked by this, by the idea of a devastation like this.]
no subject
[he can't say it's okay with any kind of conviction. but he takes another breath, steeling himself.]
The most important thing now is making it back there, and trying to find a way to make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else.
no subject
no subject
Not yet. Nothing certain. But I will, I - have to.
no subject
no subject
[he pauses.]
The person who knew most about it - he told us it doesn't leave somewhere until everyone is gone. And it started following us again shortly after that, so I think... [there must be nobody left.] I'll go look for anyone who might be left after it's gone, but I don't want to lead it to any survivors.
no subject
...The reason I left the Ninth House was because I offered myself to service to the Emperor. It is complex, but the necromantic act that allowed me to serve him also means I will likely always draw revenants to me. So to return would mean being its undoing.
no subject
Wait, but... Does that mean you can't go home?
no subject
no subject
[but, regardless of that:]
I'm sorry that you can't go back. [...] Do you have - phones or anything where you're from? Any way to talk to them now?
no subject
We do have communication lines, but...I wouldn't know what to say. It isn't as though I have friends there.
Perhaps my old marshal cares for me, in his own way, but he is a bit...he has done some unpleasant things in my name. The situation is a bit fraught.
no subject
[maybe not the exact nuances of the situation, but - he can understand the overall picture.]
I know you mentioned the space station and the people you knew there, but - I at least hope that where you are now, back in your home, there's a way to make new friends.
no subject
There is, and there isn't. I don't intend to stay. There were some things I had to do, still, but once my duty is complete, I intend to go to Mollymauk's world, along with Gideon.
no subject
[although, the name doesn't ring a bell, so he asks after a moment:]
Who's Gideon?
no subject
no subject
no subject
[also, have a memory.]
no subject
...I'm sorry, Harrow.
no subject
no subject
It doesn't have to be.
no subject
I never really mourned for him, when he died. I was so very selfish. I saw him as a burden; a cavalier that didn't live up to my standards. I didn't wish for his death, but I intentionally planned on him leaving my House so I could replace him.
no subject
[he pauses for a moment.]
Even if you could have been nicer to him - it sounds like you didn't know what was going to happen to him, either. I don't think you should beat yourself up.
no subject
[she says it very straightforwardly. not self-loathing, but a bit clipped.]
I behaved abominably, and I won't have that contradicted. I simply must change.
no subject
For what it's worth... You've been pretty kind to me, and I've seen you be kind to other people here. So, maybe you've already changed more than you realize.
no subject
Maybe. I should like to think so.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)