[it takes him a moment to answer, taking in a shaky breath.]
We... [no, that's not quite right, is it?] I don't understand it yet, completely. We started calling it the Despair, but only because we don't have another name for it. Nothing like this has ever existed before.
[he hesitates for a long moment, expression growing regretful. he has to take in a breath, trying to speak around the sudden tightness in his throat as he continues. it sounds a little bit raw despite that effort.]
The person who knew most about it - he told us it doesn't leave somewhere until everyone is gone. And it started following us again shortly after that, so I think... [there must be nobody left.] I'll go look for anyone who might be left after it's gone, but I don't want to lead it to any survivors.
...The reason I left the Ninth House was because I offered myself to service to the Emperor. It is complex, but the necromantic act that allowed me to serve him also means I will likely always draw revenants to me. So to return would mean being its undoing.
Correct. But that is something I've made my peace with. My service to the Emperor will do much more for my House's prospects than my presence would ever achieve.
[maybe not the exact nuances of the situation, but - he can understand the overall picture.]
I know you mentioned the space station and the people you knew there, but - I at least hope that where you are now, back in your home, there's a way to make new friends.
There is, and there isn't. I don't intend to stay. There were some things I had to do, still, but once my duty is complete, I intend to go to Mollymauk's world, along with Gideon.
[there's a decent amount of information he doesn't understand here, but... some of this pain, this grief, doesn't need any explanation. he looks towards her with clear concern when it fades away.]
I never really mourned for him, when he died. I was so very selfish. I saw him as a burden; a cavalier that didn't live up to my standards. I didn't wish for his death, but I intentionally planned on him leaving my House so I could replace him.
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What was that thing?
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We... [no, that's not quite right, is it?] I don't understand it yet, completely. We started calling it the Despair, but only because we don't have another name for it. Nothing like this has ever existed before.
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Past tense, now. It killed them.
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[she also looks wrecked by this, by the idea of a devastation like this.]
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[he can't say it's okay with any kind of conviction. but he takes another breath, steeling himself.]
The most important thing now is making it back there, and trying to find a way to make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else.
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Not yet. Nothing certain. But I will, I - have to.
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[he pauses.]
The person who knew most about it - he told us it doesn't leave somewhere until everyone is gone. And it started following us again shortly after that, so I think... [there must be nobody left.] I'll go look for anyone who might be left after it's gone, but I don't want to lead it to any survivors.
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...The reason I left the Ninth House was because I offered myself to service to the Emperor. It is complex, but the necromantic act that allowed me to serve him also means I will likely always draw revenants to me. So to return would mean being its undoing.
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Wait, but... Does that mean you can't go home?
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[but, regardless of that:]
I'm sorry that you can't go back. [...] Do you have - phones or anything where you're from? Any way to talk to them now?
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We do have communication lines, but...I wouldn't know what to say. It isn't as though I have friends there.
Perhaps my old marshal cares for me, in his own way, but he is a bit...he has done some unpleasant things in my name. The situation is a bit fraught.
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[maybe not the exact nuances of the situation, but - he can understand the overall picture.]
I know you mentioned the space station and the people you knew there, but - I at least hope that where you are now, back in your home, there's a way to make new friends.
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There is, and there isn't. I don't intend to stay. There were some things I had to do, still, but once my duty is complete, I intend to go to Mollymauk's world, along with Gideon.
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[although, the name doesn't ring a bell, so he asks after a moment:]
Who's Gideon?
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[also, have a memory.]
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...I'm sorry, Harrow.
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It doesn't have to be.
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I never really mourned for him, when he died. I was so very selfish. I saw him as a burden; a cavalier that didn't live up to my standards. I didn't wish for his death, but I intentionally planned on him leaving my House so I could replace him.
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